By Your Side
by stupidsexymustang
Summary: If you're going through hell, keep going. But make sure there's someone by your side. A Havolina (Jean Havoc/Rebecca Catalina) fic. Chapter 6 - A Knight's Tale. Havoc explains his code name to Rebecca, and she takes over ownership of the nickname.
1. Reunion

**_A/N: Hello! Welcome to my first Havolina fic, and also my first multiple chapter fic! This is the first of I'm not sure how many chapters, detailing Havoc's recovery and his and Rebecca's behind the scenes work for The Promised Day. It will concentrate a lot on their relationship, with their past together being expounded upon in future chapters. I hope you enjoy it! First, a quick shout-out to my AMAZING friend ochibisniper, who talked me through so many things about this story, and who is directly responsible for large portions of the plot bunnies. Love you tons. Please enjoy, I own nothing!_**

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 _She remembered sitting in the locker room during the North-East joint training, waiting on Riza to get done with her sharpshooting. She remembered mantling and dismantling her pistol, trying to get her speed to under a minute. She remembered the door opening. She remembered looking up and seeing sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and a cigarette attached to a smile. She remembered that it felt like falling..._

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Rebecca sat in the hallway of the hospital, staring blankly at the wall, her hands picking at the hem of her shirt. It was a nervous habit, one she'd had for years, one that Riza used to always get onto her about it. If her fingers weren't picking at something, she was chewing on her lips. Right now, she had a stray thread coming off her shirt, and her left hand couldn't stop tugging at it. She blinked quickly, trying to clear her head of the fog. She breathed in and out, attempting to steel her nerves. She nodded once, then stood up.

She immediately sat back down, left hand tugging at her shirt hem once more. _Come on, Rebecca,_ she scolded herself. _This is Havoc. Go in there. Just go!_ Another voice piped up, cruel and unwanted. _He probably doesn't even want you there. You two didn't part on the best terms._ She knitted her brow. The last time she had seen him was the day before he had left for Central. She had been angry. Roy Mustang was not only taking Riza from her, but Jean as well. She was hurt and upset and hadn't meant to take her feelings out on him but...her hand tugged on the thread harder, finally snapping it in two. She sighed.

"You keep standing up and sitting down, girl, and I'm calling the Psych ward on you." Rebecca looked up. A nurse was smiling cheekily at her from the registration desk. Rebecca forced a laugh.

"Sorry...I'm visiting an ex."

The nurse nodded, seeming to understand.

"He must still be pretty important to you if you'd come visit him in the hospital."

She cast her eyes down. "He never stopped being important to me."

The nurse turned back to her work. "Then stop being a child and go see him." Rebecca snapped her eyes back up.

"It's not that easy!"

The nurse snorted.

"If he's in here, then he could use all the support he can get. Get your ass up and go to him."

Rebecca swallowed. _Get up. He needs you_ , the gentle voice claimed. She nodded. She breathed in and stood up, legs shaking. She cast a glance at the nurse, then walked the rest of the way down the hall, stopping outside his door. Exhaling, she knocked.

"Come in!" a female voice answered. Rebecca opened the door and poked her head inside. Jean was lying in the hospital bed, speaking with an older woman. They both turned and looked at her, a look of slight shock registering on his face and simple pleasantness on the woman's - his mother, if the same blue eyes were any indication. She stopped in the doorway, swallowed nervously, and gave a short wave.

"Hi, Havoc."

The shock quickly left Jean's face and his lips turned up into a small grin.

"Hey, Rebecca."

Mrs. Havoc looked at her son. "Rebecca?" She looked back. "You're Rebecca?"

She nodded. The woman smiled widely.

"It's wonderful to meet you, I've heard so much about you!" She stood and beckoned her in. "I'm Jean's mother. Come in, don't just stand in the doorway." Rebecca tentatively stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She walked farther in and smiled warmly at the woman in front of her.

"It's nice to meet you, too, ma'am." She looked at Jean and the smile became gentler, but she couldn't make herself speak. He also seemed at a loss for words, continuing to stare at her as though he didn't quite think she was real. Mrs. Havoc's eyes darted back and forth between the two of them, until she finally cleared her throat, causing Rebecca to jump slightly.

"Jean, now that you have a friend here, I think I'm going to head back to the hotel for awhile. Just call me if you need anything, okay?" Both Rebecca and Jean began sputtering.

"No, you don't have to -"

"I didn't mean to make you -" She held up a hand and both fell silent.

"Really, you're doing me a favor, Rebecca. I could use a nap." She picked up her purse and walked to the door, opening it. "Take care of him, will you?" She smiled and Rebecca just barely returned it.

"I'll try," she managed to whisper as Mrs. Havoc waved and closed the door behind her. She turned back around. Jean's eyes looked her up and down and he smiled sheepishly.

"Hey."

Rebecca closed her eyes and smiled, laughing a little. "We already did that part." Jean chuckled quietly, matching her.

"Good point. Want to sit down?"

She nodded and walked to the chair his mother had vacated, sitting in it. She put her purse in her lap and swallowed again, her hands back to fidgeting with the bag.

"How are you?"

Jean shrugged.

"I've been better. It's not exactly an ideal situation, being paralyzed."

Rebecca looked down.

"No, I'd imagine it's not. That was a dumb question." She looked back up. "I heard you retired." It was Jean's turn to look away.

"Yeah...I'm not a whole lot of use to the Colonel now."

She felt her insides churn.

"Did he say that to you?" she said, too sharply. He frowned.

"No, I did. He wasn't happy with me retiring, he said he'd cut me loose but that he'd see me at the top. That he expected me to catch up."

Rebecca was surprised. She hadn't anticipated that from Mustang.

"He probably wants you to keep training. Keep your strength up."

Jean nodded.

"I intend to. I hadn't, at first. But I can't give up. Not when people need me. I know there isn't a whole lot I can do, but I can at least try to get better, and help as much behind the scenes as I can. I'll do whatever it takes." He clenched his fist, steadying his resolve. The more he stated his goal out loud, the easier it seemed to be to accept.

There was a light shining in his eyes, a fire burning there that made Rebecca's stomach do flips. She had nearly lost this man.

She had nearly _lost_ this man.

The gravity of that realization suddenly hit her, and she leaned forward, her purse falling to the ground. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly, burying her face in his chest.

Jean jumped, surprised at the movement, but it was only a split second before he returned the hug gratefully, enveloping her. He had missed her, oh god, he had missed her. He hadn't wanted to admit that, even to himself, but now that she was here, in his arms, the amount of loss he had felt at having to leave her in the first place hit his heart like a truck.

"Rebecca..." he started, but she cut him off.

"I'm sorry." she said, the words muffled by his shirt. Taken aback, he looked down at her head.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, laying her cheek on his chest. "I'm sorry for everything I said, I'm sorry for letting you walk away, I'm sorry, I just..."

"Rebecca, hush." He pulled her, causing her to shift and curl fully onto the bed, lying more completely on his chest and side in a fetal position. He readjusted his arms around her and put his chin on her head.

"I'm not mad. I'm glad you're here. I'm really glad you're here." Rebecca only squeezed him tighter.

"I almost lost you. I almost lost you. Oh god, I almost lost you. I'm so sorry." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"I'm here. I'm right here. There's nothing for you to apologize for." He could feel her shaking and he tightened his grip around her. She closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest again, continuing to mumble repeated "I'm sorry"s while he stroked her back. He knew why she was apologizing. He didn't care though. He didn't care about what had happened between them. None of it mattered anymore. He just wanted to hold her, and not let go. So he held her, kissing her head and her cheeks and finally her lips when she came up for air. He held her, and they talked, and she held him, and they kissed, and they did not separate until well after the nurse told her that visiting hours were over, a knowing smile on her face.

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 _Awww. Please favorite and review! I would love feedback! There's more to come!_


	2. Confrontation

**_A/N: Okay! Please bear with me, this story has some massive feels. Roy and Rebecca butting heads is pretty intense. This is an argument based on not just months of anger, but years of it due to Rebecca not knowing about Roy's feelings for Hawkeye. Enjoy, and please don't hate me! Oh, there's Royai in here, too, because it's me. Of course there's Royai. I own nothing._**

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Rebecca had come to visit Jean in the hospital every day for the past four days, sitting with him and talking with him and sometimes just crawling in bed with him, the two holding each other without a single word being said. He was due to be released soon, and she knew he was getting antsy to get out.

She opened the door to his room and her face fell. He wasn't alone. Roy Mustang was sitting in the chair next to him, chatting animatedly. They turned to her and Jean smiled warmly, delighted to see her, while Roy's eyes went wide and his smile dropped. He recovered quickly, however, and forced a smile that Rebecca did not return.

"Hey, princess." Jean said. Her visits were the best part of his days in this godforsaken hospital. She pulled her eyes away from attempting to bore holes into Roy's head and returned his smile.

"Hey you. How are you feeling today?" She closed the door and walked to him, giving him a peck on the forehead.

"Tired. The Colonel over here woke me up." Rebecca's eyes flashed and she turned to Roy.

"Did he." she said flatly. He raised his hands.

"Hey, I didn't mean to! I had to come out East for a meeting, and this morning was a free period. I wanted to see this idiot before he got to go home." He tried to smile charmingly at her.

Rebecca nodded, sitting down on the edge of Jean's bed. She didn't take the bait and Roy's smile fell. Jean darted his eyes between the two of them, sensing the tension. For the next ten minutes he steered the conversation, jumping around topics as Rebecca and Roy avoided each other's eyes. This was ridiculous. They were acting like children. Finally, he was saved when the doctor opened the door.

"Hi, Jean. Mind if I steal you for a few minutes? We need to run a few tests." Jean nodded.

"That's fine."

"I can grab an orderly to help you into your chair."

"No, I've got it. Been working on it." He smiled at Rebecca. She grabbed the wheelchair and steered it over, taking his arm and helping him into it, just like they'd practiced. They weren't graceful by any means, but it was getting better. Roy offered his hand to help but Rebecca only glared at him. Jean sighed.

"I'll be back. Please...don't kill each other. For me." The doctor held the door open and Jean wheeled out, leaving Rebecca and Roy to stare at each other.

She tossed her dark hair back and walked over to the window, staring out at the trees below, chewing on her bottom lip. She wasn't going to say a damn word to this man.

Roy sighed and sat down. "Care to explain why you're so pissed at me?"

 _Goddamnit_. She wheeled around.

"The list of reasons why you have pissed me off could stretch for miles, but I'm pretty focused on one right now."

"Somehow I feel like I know what that is."

Whatever handle she had held over the emotions that bubbled to the top of her chest at seeing this man again...she completely lost her grip on it.

"He was _your_ responsibility, Mustang! _Your_ subordinate! He is paralyzed because of YOU. If you hadn't taken him..." She clenched her fists in an attempt to slow the angry shaking that was spreading through her body.

Roy felt his blood boil. This was too much. He had been dealing with too much. The death of Hughes, Havoc's legs, the transfer of his men, losing Riza, The Promised Day looming...having her throw one of his deepest regrets in his face broke his mask.

"I 'took him' because he is an indispensable soldier and my friend! I never meant for this happen!"

"You took him to satisfy your idiotic power grab! Don't act like this was for him! Just because you didn't mean for this to happen doesn't excuse it! That man has given you everything!"

"Do you think I don't know that? What the hell, Catalina? Do you think I don't feel guilty about this situation every damn day?!" He was standing now, yelling at her as she kept her position by the window.

"No, I don't! I think you lost a pawn and you moved the hell on. Why wouldn't you? Isn't that how the game is played? Your stupid game. He's not a pawn! He's a person! He's a person who is now going to go through hell because of his misguided faith in you!" She could feel her face getting red, the blood pumping through her. All the words she had been keeping bottled in were flowing out of her and there was no way to stop it.

"Misguided? You have no idea what I hope to do. You dated him for what, two weeks? Don't pretend like you know him, Catalina!"

"Have you EVER understood him? Or has he always just been a means to an end? You took Riza and you took him. They're both just your pawns!"

Blood pounded in his ears at the mention of Riza. "Don't you _dare_ presume to understand the relationship between me and my Lieutenant. Don't you dare presume to understand _anything_ between me and my subordinates!"

"You can't even say her name! Her name is Riza Fucking Hawkeye. Riza Hawkeye. And you took her! She nearly died too, that night, didn't she? Both of the people I care about nearly died in one fell swoop because of your stupid dream!"

"That wasn't my fault!"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screamed. "They followed you! They trusted you! They nearly died for you! If you hadn't taken him away from me..."

Roy was done. She had not only thrown Havoc in his face but she had thrown Riza, too.

"Away from you?!" he snarled. "Away from the woman who constantly bemoans not having a rich man? Away from the woman who jumps from man to man faster than she changes her sheets? You claim to care about him?! Have you ever cared about a man for longer than a week in your entire life?!" He laughed, a harsh, angry sound. "Away from you? I did him a FAVOR."

The words hit Rebecca like a punch to the gut. Her eyes widened and her face paled. She felt all of the air leave her body. She took a step back, pressing her back against the wall.

The anger left Roy's eyes as he looked at her. He had officially gone too far. Rebecca had no idea the extent of his relationship with Hawkeye, had no idea how much he loved her. All she saw was a womanizer with his eyes dead set on moving up the ranks, and he was dragging the two people she cared about most with him. He couldn't blame her for seeing him as a monster. It was what he had presented.

Rebecca closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She would not cry in front of this man. She would not. He had taken so much and she would not let him see her cry, would not let him see that he had won. Her knees buckled from the shaking and she slid down the wall a ways, stopping when her knees bent 90 degrees. She wrapped her arms around herself.

Roy watched her and bent his head. He was suddenly very ashamed of himself. Rebecca was Riza's best friend, had been with her through so much...he knew that she was half the reason Riza had managed to put her head back on after Ishval. She also clearly cared for Havoc. Roy had just seen the two interacting, seen how fiercely she protected him and helped him. She clearly adored the man. He couldn't justify his words, so he swallowed back his pride.

"I'm sorry, Catalina."

She looked up, eyes shining with moisture.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. That was cruel."

She shook her head.

"I was cruel, too. I deserved it."

"No, you didn't. But..." he sighed. "Please, don't think that I take Havoc or Hawkeye lightly. I care more than you think I do. Much more."

She watched him as he said this. His eyes were wide and honest. She nodded. "I shouldn't have said what I did."

"Neither should I."

She opened her mouth to say something else, but the door opened and Havoc wheeled himself in, the nurse shutting the door behind him.

"Damn chair. I swear I'll get used to it one d-" he stopped upon seeing Rebecca against the wall, both of them still stricken and near tears. He swore.

"What the hell happened?!"

Roy closed his eyes. "We...had a discussion. Everything's fine."

"Yeah, clearly! What the hell did you..."

"It's okay, Jean." Both men turned to Rebecca, who was standing up again. "We had it out. We're okay. Come on, let's get you back in bed." She walked toward him, eyes still shining. Jean pursed his lips and wheeled himself to the bed. She adjusted the chair, then looked at Roy. She sighed.

"It's easier with two people. Will you help me?"

Roy stared at her for a moment, then gave her a small smile. Not his charmer's grin, not his manipulative smirk, but a genuine smile.

"I'd be happy to." He stepped forward and gripped Havoc's arm, both lifting at the same time as Havoc pushed himself off from the chair, pulling him into the bed. She adjusted the pillows behind his head while Roy got his legs situated. He stepped back and Rebecca smiled at him.

"Thank you."

He nodded. "I should get out of your hair. I've still got meetings to attend." He clapped Havoc on the shoulder. "I'll see you next chance I get."

Havoc knitted his brow. "Alright, boss. Don't be a stranger. You're not busy or anything." Roy laughed and looked at Rebecca.

"Take care of him, okay?" She nodded, silent understanding in her eyes. _I'm trusting you_ , he had said. She wouldn't let him down.

Roy walked to the door and waved, then closed it behind him. Jean turned to Rebecca.

"Okay, what the HELL happened?!"

She sighed.

"We came to an understanding."

"It involved yelling, didn't it?"

"You know us too well."

"Damnit."

Rebecca smiled and crawled into the tiny bed with him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. An understanding was the best way to put it. Someday she'd sit down and have a real talk with Roy Mustang and figure out how the hell his brain worked. She had a sneaking suspicion that it worked quite a lot like her own.

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 _There you have it. See, they're okay. I think those two are just very similar, so when they're upset and hurting, they want to butt heads. Please favorite and review!_


	3. Nightmare

_**A/N: I'm sorry this one is short! I'm also sorry for what's about to happen...please don't kill me. I own nothing! Also, I realized I never mentioned where they are when this happens. They are still in the hospital.**_

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 _Jean was running down the hall, chasing after the dark-haired woman. He could hear her giggling as she ran, keeping a good distance away from him. He kept catching glimpses of her hair as it whipped around corners, beckoning him to follow. He grinned, chomping down on the cigarette in his mouth and continuing the chase. He loved playful women, and this girl was teasing him. He'd catch her soon, though._

 _He sped around another shadowed corner and there she was, faced away, her thick dark hair cascading down her back. Jean smiled widely and walked up to her. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair._

 _"Caught you," he smirked._

 _"Did you, Jean?" the woman responded huskily, and he felt his insides grow cold. That voice..._

 _Before he could react, the woman had turned around, too fast, inhumanly fast, and suddenly he felt a stabbing pain shooting through him. She was behind him now, and he gasped, the pain more than he could bear. She pulled the weapon out of his chest and he fell to the ground, coughing in pain. He turned his head and watched as Solaris bent down, showing him her hand, the fingers turned into sharp spears. She grinned maliciously, and her face turned ghoulish, terrifying, before bursting into flame and engulfing the room._

Jean woke with a start, panting, wild eyes darting around the room. He could feel pressure against his chest and and he looked down. Someone was curled around him, holding him...someone with long, dark hair. He yelled, completely terrified, and grabbed her hair, pulling the woman (the monster) off of him and tossing her to the floor. The creature screamed when he tugged and as she (it) hit the ground. Jean turned his torso, searching for some sort of weapon, a gun, he needed a gun, some kind of blunt object, SOMETH-

"JEAN! Jean, it's me!" He froze. That voice. That voice wasn't right. He knew that voice. That voice was laughter, and music, and dancing in bars until the morning sun, and sarcastic quips and the smell of gunpowder and oil and strawberries. That voice was a first kiss so powerful it had made his knees weak, that voice was the shrieks of getting thrown over his shoulder as he carried her home, drunk and laughing and full of joy, that voice was...he turned around.

"B-becky?!" he choked out. She was lying on the floor, illuminated by the light coming through the window, and still dressed in the clothes she had worn to see him that day, now crumpled. She was shaking. Jean looked at Rebecca's face and saw that she was completely pale, moisture filling her dark eyes. She had a hand up, either to ward off another attack or to get his attention he wasn't sure.

"It's me!" She cried out again. His eyes widened.

"Oh god...oh god. Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He wanted to get up and go to her, to lift her up and pull her into his arms...but he couldn't move. He couldn't...he clenched his fists into tight balls and pushed them into the bed, shaking. "I'm sorry..." he repeated.

Rebecca wiped her face with her sleeve and pulled herself up from the ground. She stepped towards him tentatively. She kept her hands up to show that she wouldn't hurt him. She remembered from rooming with Riza how on edge people dealing with trauma could be after waking up. Especially like this.

"Jean...it's okay." He shook his head, tears forming in his eyes.

"I hurt you."

She bit her lip. It had hurt, him pulling her hair and throwing her to the ground. She was going to have bruises on her side, and her head throbbed from how hard he had tugged her. Even like this, he was still incredibly strong. But she knew he never would have done it in his right mind.

"You didn't mean to. It was a dream. Just a bad-"

"I woke up. I thought you were Lust."

That stopped her cold.

"You...you thought I was Lust?"

He nodded, not looking at her.

"It was your hair. I had a dream...her hair was down and I was looking at it and then she...attacked...and when I woke up I saw you and all your hair spread out...I panicked."

Rebecca swallowed. She was hurting him just by looking the way she did. How could she fix that? What could she do?

"I'm so sorry, Jean."

He shook his head. "It's not your fault. At all." He sighed, not wanting to say this but also feeling like he didn't have a choice.

"Maybe you being here isn't a good idea."

His words took her by surprise.

"What?"

He closed his eyes.

"Becca, I'm useless. I can't walk, I can barely move, my head's not even on straight. I hurt you. I thought you were a monster and threw you to the ground. I can't forgive myself for that."

Her lips parted in shock. She stared at him for a few moments before speaking.

"So you just want me to go? You want me to just walk out of here and leave you alone?"

 _'No! No, never, don't go, no...'_ he thought.

"Yes. I don't want to hurt you again." He pulled his eyes away from her, staring down at his hands. Rebecca just gaped at him.

"That wasn't your fault, you were-"

"Rebecca, please!" he snapped.

She closed her mouth, hurt pouring out of her eyes. She chose her words carefully, her voice shaking.

"I am not leaving you just because of one bad night. I'm going to stick this out with you, we're a team..."

He shook his head, and with that shake she could feel her heart fall into her stomach.

"Just go, Rebecca. Go find someone whole."

Her voice fell to a whisper, pleading with him.

"You _are_ whole."

He turned his head away.

"I'm not. Go away. Please."

She stared at him for a long moment, then stood up, anger coursing through her now.

"You are acting like an idiot. A total idiot."

He laid back against the pillows, refusing to look at her. "Good, that should make me easy to leave."

Her eyes widened in shock.

"You...! You asshole. You complete...you complete dick!" She grabbed her purse and walked to the door, then turned back.

"How can you want this to be over after one bad night?"

Jean didn't answer, nor did he turn to her. Rebecca screwed up her face. She would not cry.

"You won't even look at me?"

He did not. Her lip trembled.

"Fine." She spun on her heel and opened the door, slamming it shut behind her. Jean turned his head to look at the door, wanting to call her back, already regretting the choice. He wanted to protect her...he wanted her to be happy. He had no idea how he'd make her happy like this. He closed his eyes, fighting back tears. Just days ago he had sworn that he would get better, that he'd rebuild his life...

And he had just let the most important woman in said life walk out of it.

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 _Ow. I'm sorry! I promise I'll have the next chapter up VERY soon. I won't leave you hanging. Please review!_


	4. Words on a Wire

**_A/N I am SO sorry this chapter is so long. I wanted to do both conversations between the friends in the same one, and damn but these characters had a lot to say! I hope you guys like it. It jumps around in time a little bit, so I hope it's not confusing. I own nothing! Shouts to ochibisniper for giving me a huge plot bunny for this one._**

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It had been two days since Jean had last seen Rebecca, and his desire for a cigarette was directly proportional to his level of stress due to their parting. Today was his last day in the hospital and he'd managed to convince his nurses to let him keep a cigarette in his mouth, even if he wasn't allowed to smoke it. The mere presence of the stick was a comfort to him, and he was taking whatever he could get right now. He kept telling himself that he'd feel better in a few days, just a few days, he'd be over the fact that he wouldn't see her dark eyes again, or hear her high laugh, or touch her ivory skin, or...

"Hi, sweetie."

Jean was ripped from his reverie with a start. He looked over at the door and managed a smile at his mother.

"Hi, mom."

She walked into the room and set her purse down on the table. She crossed to his bed and sat on the edge of it, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Frowning at the cigarette, she said, "Are they really letting you smoke that in here?"

He shook his head. "It's just for comfort. I already smoked my one for the day."

She sighed. "One of these days I'm going to get you to quit."

That would be a cold day in hell, but he wasn't going to tell his mother that. "Sure, mom. I promise I'll quit soon."

"I've heard that before."

He closed his eyes, giving her a weak smile. Her frown deepened as she looked around the room. "Where's Rebecca? I figured she'd be here on your last day, did she get called in to work?"

Jean's heart caught in his throat. "She...she's uh, not coming."

His mother turned her head back to him. "Oh Jean, what did you do?"

"Hey! Why does it have to be my fault?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a look full of the sass that he had inherited directly from her. "I'm your mother, Jean Francis. I know every single one of your moods, and you have never, not once, been able to lie to me."

"It could still have been her fault." He pursed his lips around his cigarette, defiant. She stared him down, a clear look of 'cut the bullshit' in her eyes. He couldn't hold up.

"Fine! Yes, it was my fault." He sighed. "It's for her own good, though. I can't...I can't give her the life she deserves like this."

Mrs. Havoc watched her son for a moment. Her dear, wonderful son. He'd been the strongest of her two boys physically, but also the most gentle. He never gave his own heart enough credit. And now here he was, confined to a bed, attempting to rely on his strength again when he needed to listen to his heart for once in his life.

"Jean, I love you. But you have never been good at thinking things through before you make decisions. I have seen the way that woman looks at you, and you at her."

He cast his eyes down. "Please, mom, can we drop it? I just want to get out of this miserable place."

She nodded. He was right, he needed to concentrate on getting home. Besides, he wouldn't listen to her. She knew that. But she also knew of someone else that just might be able to get through her son's thick skull.

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The phone in Riza Hawkeye's apartment was ringing when she opened the door, having just stepped out to take Black Hayate for a walk. She walked briskly to the table, unhooking his leash while lifting the phone off the hook.

"Hello?"

"R-Riza?"

Her eyes widened. "Rebecca? Are you crying? What's wrong, what happened?"

Rebecca sighed, choking back tears. She had been so scared that Riza wouldn't answer.

"Jean broke up with me."

Riza had to bite her tongue to stop from saying, 'Wait, again?' Rebecca sounded truly upset, and she knew their original break up hadn't been due to a lack of affection.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

Quickly Rebecca told her about Havoc's nightmare, and how he had mistaken her for Lust and attacked her, then had asked her to leave.

"He wouldn't even look at me, Reez. He just acted like an asshole and then turned his head away and refused to talk again or look at me." She wiped at the tears on her face. She had managed to keep it together all the way home, but when she had woken up alone and the events from last night had replayed in her mind, she hadn't been able to keep from crying. So she had called her best friend, hoping she hadn't left for work yet.

Riza sighed. "Rebecca, it sounds like he's still dealing with a lot of trauma. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you have to respect his need for space."

"I know!" she wailed, leaning against the wall. "But...it's hard. I want to be there for him. I can deal with this. I helped you, remember?"

Riza smiled slightly at that, recalling how she had awoken after her days in Ishval in the middle of the night, screaming, and how Rebecca had been able to calm her down, and some nights actually get her to go back to sleep, or would stay up with her all the way into the morning. "I know you did. You were wonderful. But everyone deals with their trauma differently. What worked for me might not work for him. And, if you recall, I didn't want your help at first. I distinctly remember screaming at you to get away from me, and you standing your ground and shoving a cold rag into my hands."

Rebecca closed her eyes, letting the memory play behind her eyes. "That's true. You hated me at first."

"I didn't hate you. I just didn't want to be your friend."

"That's not better."

"It worked out." Riza leaned against the table, twisting the phone cord in her hand. "But that's my point, Bec. I didn't want your help at first. I didn't think I deserved it. I didn't think I deserved friends. So I pushed you away."

"But the way we became friends is because I stood my ground. I didn't let you push me away. And now you're telling me to do the opposite with him?"

"Yes. Because Jean Havoc isn't me." She sighed, not wanting to say this next part, but needing her friend to understand. "I know this isn't easy, but the fact that you have qualities about you that remind him of the reason he's in this situation doesn't help your case. You have to let him come to you." She scratched her head. "You said he attacked you, right?"

Rebecca nodded. "Yeah, he woke up and thought I was that bitch."

"Then his greatest fear is probably that the same thing will happen again. He cares about you. He doesn't want to hurt you." Riza felt deeply for her friend's plight. Jean and Rebecca had been dancing around each other for a couple of years, and had finally decided to give it a go just before he was transferred. It broke her heart to see them constantly put together and then taken apart again, especially when they were so clearly perfect for each other in her eyes.

"I hate this, Riza."

"I know. Just try to be patient. Give him his space. Maybe if you haven't heard from him in a week or so, you could write him a letter?"

Rebecca sighed. "I guess. It's going to be hard."

"I know," Riza nodded. "But if you care about him as much as I know you do...the wait will be worth it."

Rebecca could sense that Riza was not just talking about herself and Jean now.

"How are you? How's working for the Fuhrer?"

Riza stiffened. "It's fine. Slow going."

"Well, enjoy yourself and stay out of trouble. Or, if you find yourself in trouble, call me and I'll bring back up."

Riza smiled. Anyone else in the world would take those as the words of her flighty, goofy friend. But Riza knew what she meant. She knew Rebecca had been working closely with Grumman on the reinforcements side of The Promised Day. She didn't know how they were going to do whatever the hell they were planning, but she knew they were working. Knowing that Rebecca was going to be by her side that day made it a little less terrifying. Only a little, but it was enough.

"I'll make sure to let you know. Speaking of the Fuhrer, I need to get to work. Stay strong, okay?"

Rebecca nodded. "I'll do my best. Thank you for being here."

"Of course. I'll talk to you soon."

"Love you, Reez."

"Love you too."

They both hung up at the same time, Riza heading off for her day, while Rebecca allowed herself a few more minutes curled into a ball in her bed, trying to steady the shaking of her hands and the emptiness in her heart.

* * *

Jean wheeled himself into the hallway, listening to the phone ring off the hook. "Anyone gonna get that? No?" He sighed, muttering under his breath. "I'm only recovering from JUST getting back from the hospital, no big deal or anything." He rolled to the phone, still having a little bit of trouble keeping himself on the right path. He hated this stupid chair. Finally, he picked up the receiver.

"This is Havoc."

"Hi, Havoc," the deep, lazy voice responded and Jean smiled in spite of himself.

"Breda! Didn't expect to hear from you. How are you? How's West City?"

"Bored, and boring. How're the legs?"

"Stupid, and immoveable."

"You using those weights I got you?"

Jean made a face and mockingly repeated the words in a high-pitched voice. "You using those weights I go- YES I'm using the damn weights."

Breda let out a low chuckle. "Good. Can't have you getting flabby and gross. What would you attract women with, your wit and charm?"

Jean rolled his eyes. "As always, it is excellent to hear you be an asshole."

"Well, from what I hear you're going to need all the help you can get after dumping Catalina."

Jean froze. "Who told you that?"

"My business, not yours. Think she'd go out with me once I get back to East City? She's pretty hot."

Jean could feel the blood draining from his face. Rebecca...and Breda?!

"You wouldn't."

"Hell yeah I would. You clearly don't want her, and she's a damn fine woman."

Jean clenched his free hand around the arm rest of the wheelchair. "You...you're all the way in West City, you can't expect her to date you with that distance!"

Breda clicked his tongue. "You're right. By the time I get back to East City or Central, she'll definitely have found someone else. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't found someone else already. I mean, you let a woman like that walk out of your life, she's probably got men lined up around the-"

"SHUT. _UP._ "

Jean was practically shaking, his teeth clenched tight. If Breda had been here, he would have punched him. He couldn't handle the idea of Rebecca with anyone else. Someone else's hands on her skin, someone's else's lips on her lips, it wasn't right, it wasn't okay.

"Oh, what's that? Did I hit a nerve?" Breda asked, smugness dripping from his voice. Jean struggled to regain his composure.

"Don't...don't you fucking talk like that. Don't talk about _her_ like that."

"You're such an easy mark, Havoc."

"What the hell does that mean?" He could practically hear Breda roll his eyes over the phone.

"I'm proving a point to you, idiot. You're clearly crazy about this woman. I've never heard you go this moony over a girl before, and I've seen you go pretty moony. What gives?"

Jean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Damnit, he had left his cigarettes in the other room. "It's complicated, Breda. I didn't break up with her because I didn't care about her." He quickly explained what had happened three nights ago. Breda let out a low whistle.

"That's a shit situation, definitely. So what now? Lock yourself in your room and avoid all women with long dark hair?"

Jean scoffed. "It's not like that. I don't want to hurt her again."

"So you think throwing her out of your life will help you get past this? If anything, having her around will only help. You'll be able to see that that evil bitch was only one evil bitch, and that Catalina's not a demon."

He hadn't thought of that. Breda continued.

"Everything was fine until you had a nightmare, right?"

"Yeah. But it brought it all back."

"So don't have her sleep over for awhile. Get used to her again."

"It's not...! You keep trying to come up with simple solutions to something that isn't a simple problem!"

"No, you're making something simple more complicated because you're an idiot. Be honest. What's really keeping you from her?"

Jean fumbled, opening and closing his mouth. Finally, he dropped his shoulders, defeated. "I don't deserve her, Breda. You're right. She's probably got men lined up around the block waiting for her. She should be with one of them, not sacrificing her life by staying with me. I'm going to be a lot of damn work, and she doesn't deserve that burden."

Breda was silent for a moment. When he spoke, his voice had lost none of its usual monotone, but there was an underlying edge to it.

"Are you done?"

Jean wrinkled his forehead. "Huh?"

"I said, are you done? You done being a pissy little baby, yet? Because I can go get you a fucking bottle if you want to cry about it some more."

"Hey, don't-"

"No, Havoc. I get that you're going through a lot. I do. But you know what else is going on? A whole lot of giant, cosmically bad shit. Now I have taken time out of my very busy schedule of attempting to help Mustang behind the scenes to call you and let you complain. I do this because you are my friend. But get some perspective. You're not out of the game. And you have a beautiful woman who wants to be there for you every step of the way on this admittedly awful situation that you've landed yourself in, and you repay that love by throwing her out? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I-"

"No, really, what the fuck is wrong with you? I would kill to have a woman like that. I swear to god, if you don't call her, I will make good on my threat and ask her out my own damn self."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would, in a heartbeat."

"You're a dick."

"You're an idiot."

Jean sighed and scratched the back of his head. "What do I do then? Just call her and say 'Oh hey Becca, sorry I was a dick, please come back'?"

"Yes, that's exactly what you say. That's perfect, change nothing."

"Oh."

Breda gave a short sigh. "Look, I know it's a tough thing to do, swallowing your pride. But you want to get better, right? You're not going to do that by running away from someone who cares about you."

"I know."

"Call her. Get better. And then come back to the military, retirement has knocked another screw loose out of your head."

Jean let out a soft laugh. "Fine, fine. Tell Mustang I'm coming for him."

"Tell him yourself by doing it."

"Got it. And Breda?"

"What?"

Jean smiled sheepishly. "Thanks."

He heard Breda's snort. "Yeah yeah. Talk to you later. Stay alive."

"Stay alive."

Jean hung up on the phone. Now how the hell was he supposed to reach out to Rebecca? He put his hand over his eyes. He missed her so damn much. He leaned over and picked up the phone again.

"Swallow your pride, he says." He put in her number. "Don't be an idiot, he says." One ring. Two rings. _This is a bad idea,_ he thought. _She's probably not even h-_

"Hello?"

Oh god, he had missed that voice. Just hearing her again made him want to double over. He gathered his courage.

"Hey Becky."

* * *

 _I'm sorry for ending it there, but this was already so long! I promise to have the next one up soon._

 _A quick note about Breda. Y'all might think he's being really harsh on Jean, but remember that those two have been friends since the Academy, and this is how Breda knows to get through to Jean. He can't be soft and cuddly with him, he doesn't respond to that. Anyway, I hope y'all liked it! Please review!_


	5. Memories We Keep Inside

_**Hello! I am SO SORRY. One, for taking so long to update, and two, because this chapter is SO LONG. AHHH. Okay. I hope you enjoy it. I own nothing. Shouts to ochibisniper as always for plot bunnies and a huge portion of this chapter is entirely because of her help.**_

* * *

If she kept running, maybe she'd be able to outrun the ache in her chest. That was Rebecca's logic, anyway. Riza always said that if she had the ability, Rebecca would literally run away from every problem she had. Today she was attempting to give that theory its best shot at working.

Running was her favorite form of exercise, since she couldn't really count shooting as exercise. Maybe an arm workout. She'd fired off enough bullets at the range over the past three days for it to qualify as one, anyway, and she had begun to garner stares. So she'd returned to her other love, running, but no matter how fast she jogged or sprinted, or how closely she listened to the wind rushing past her ears, or how she focused on her breathing and the steady beat of her heart, nothing drove him from her mind. She couldn't escape the memories of his smile, and the smell of cigarettes and his aftershave still clung to her, invading her senses when she least expected it.

 _He had sauntered into the locker room with his uniform jacket slung over his shoulder, the unlit cigarette dangling out of his mouth. Rebecca's eyes had widened of their own accord, and she'd quickly finished mantling her pistol, placing it in her locker and trading it for her rifle. Riza had entered and she waved him over and introduced the two of them to each other. He had given her a longer gaze than completely necessary, and she had returned it. Then he'd opened his mouth and ruined everything._

 _"You're working an AW50? That gun has quite the kick. If you can't handle it, I could show you a few things."_

 _Riza had had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. Rebecca had just smiled, showing teeth._

 _"Oh, you could show me a few things? Gosh, I'd love to see what you could show me."_

 _He had grinned and they had walked out to the range together, Riza following behind. He had set up the rifle for her, and Rebecca had laid herself out on the mat, daintily and prettily. She'd batted her eyelashes and flashed a sweet smile._

 _Havoc bent down, she looked through the scope. "Okay, so if you want to avoid heavy kick ba-"_

 _She had fired, the gun had barely moved, and the target in front of her needed a new head. Havoc's eyes were wide and shocked, his cigarette hanging precariously from his lips. He was frozen in place, staring at the target. She'd sat up and looked at him, the prettiest, toothiest smile on her face._

 _"Thanks for the tips! I was so lost without your help." Then she'd shouldered her gun and flounced off. In the background, she had heard Riza pat Havoc's shoulder and say, "I probably should have mentioned that she's a weapons specialist."_

She tried to shake the memory away. The rocky start to their relationship had persisted for two years, the two arguing and flirting and trading barbs back and forth consistently. They were forever competing, in shooting matches, exercising in the gym, sparring on the mat. Always arguing. Always flirting. Rebecca kept running.

 _"You like him." Riza had blatantly stated one day while they were cleaning their guns._

 _"Excuse me?"_

 _"Havoc. You like him."_

 _Rebecca scoffed. "He's a flirt and an idiot."_

 _"Why, because he hasn't asked you out, yet?"_

 _She glared. "How's the Lieutenant-Colonel? If we're going to talk about people we 'secretly like'."_

 _"I will leave you alone."_

 _"Thank you."_

They were like that, Riza and Rebecca. Friends since the Academy, always able to see straight to the very heart of each other. Straight to the root of the real problem. Even the things they didn't want the other to see. It was, in fact, Riza's fault that the two of them had finally gotten together in the first place, Rebecca recalled.

 _She'd been sitting at the bar for over an hour now, nursing her third whiskey sour and staring at what had to be her...fourth shot? Fifth? She'd lost count, but she didn't care. The day had already been completely shit, what was another shot on a Friday night? She was about to down it when the door to the bar opened, and she realized she recognized the short shock of messy blond hair, cigarette smoke curling around the tendrils as Havoc stepped inside, closing the door behind him. She had groaned and turned her body closer to the bar, hoping that maybe he wouldn't see her. She wasn't in the mood to fight with him. It was to no avail, he had plopped himself right down on the bar stool next to her and ordered a bourbon on the rocks._

 _"2nd Lieutenant."_

 _Rebecca didn't respond, simply throwing her shot of whiskey back, letting the action speak for her._

 _"I heard you had a crappy day."_

 _She paused in her hand wave to the bartender. A glare settled into her features. "Did Riza send you here?" Rebecca had called her earlier, begging her to come out with her, and Riza's refusal due to something the Colonel wanted had caused Rebecca to get upset. As usual, she had taken her anger out on someone who didn't deserve it. So she'd gone to the bar alone instead, the cloud of misery and loneliness hanging over her. And now apparently Riza had sent Havoc here in her stead. Rebecca was going to kill her._

 _"No," was his short response. She huffed and finished her hand wave request for another shot. He sighed. "She mentioned that you'd had a bad day, and she was worried about you drinking alone. So I thought I'd come check on you."_

 _An eye roll and a scoff was her only reply, and she lifted the new shot to her mouth rather than respond fully. Instead of getting to drink the burning liquid, Havoc plucked it from her fingers and drank it himself. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head at his audacity. He coughed and made a face._

 _"Jeez, Beck, you drinking rot gut?"_

 _"That wasn't yours, you ass!"_

 _"Well, you're already so far ahead of me, I figured I should keep up."_

 _"I don't care what you do, just leave me alone!" She was not in the mood for this. She reached for her whiskey sour, but he grabbed that too, drinking it quickly. Her hand shot out for the drink, but he grabbed her wrist and she was too drunk to fight back properly. The motion nearly knocked her off the bar stool, but she managed to lean against the counter to keep her balance. She tugged her arm._

 _"Let go of me."_

 _Havoc set the empty glass on the counter and turned to face her, pulling her arm closer to him so she was practically leaning onto his lap._

 _"I will not." he purred. She responded with another glare._

 _"Let go of me right now!" She tugged her arm again, but he was too fast. He reacted by wrapping his other arm around her waist, quickly standing up and releasing her arm, then picking her up with one arm and throwing her over his shoulder. Rebecca shrieked, the change in equilibrium and her own extreme drunkenness completely throwing her off. How dare he!_

 _"What was that? Pay your tab and take you home because you've clearly had too much? Well, sure, Becca, if you insist."_

 _"You son of a bitch!" She pounded his back with her fists. He simply adjusted her over his shoulder. He paid her tab then walked out, barely garnering any attention from the other patrons of the bar. They traversed the short block and a half back to her apartment complex, arguing the whole way. When they entered her building, he asked for her apartment number._

 _"Go to hell."_

 _"Only with you as my guide, princess. Tell me the number."_

 _She simply growled. He sighed._

 _"I'm not putting you down until we're at your apartment. Now te-" The elevator dinged and someone got off. Rebecca screamed._

 _"Help! I'm being kidnapped!"_

 _Havoc sighed again. "You are not. This is literally the opposite of a kidnapping." He nodded to the woman who had gotten off the elevator. "Hi, sorry. She's had a bit to drink."_

 _"Rebecca? Color me shocked." The older woman's voice reached Rebecca's ears. "Shit!" she muttered. It was her neighbor across the hall. She could hear the grin in Havoc's voice._

 _"Oh you know her? Do you know which apartment is hers?"_

 _"Yup, she's just across from me. 3B."_

 _He adjusted her position again. "Thank you, ma'am, you've been a huge help. Come on, princess." He stepped onto the elevator and Rebecca lifted her head to glare at her neighbor. "Traitor!" she called. The woman just smiled wickedly and waved. Damn it. Rebecca had too much of a reputation. Her neighbors would never help her._

 _Havoc turned around and punched the button to the third floor. Rebecca tried kicking again, but he wrapped his other arm around her legs, pinning her. "Calm down, we're almost there." After a moment, the door opened and he stepped out, walking down the hall. He stopped._

 _"3B. Alright. Where's your key?"_

 _"Right next to all the fucks I give."_

 _He sighed, long and deep. Then he pulled her off his shoulder and set her down, pushing her against the walls, his hands resting on either side of her head. He leaned in close, blue eyes staring deep into her dark ones. She swallowed, trying to maintain her composure._

 _"Key."_

 _She bit her lip. God his eyes were gorgeous. He pressed against her, allowing his lips to ghost over hers._

 _"Key."_

 _She breathed in, then shakily responded, "Left pocket."_

 _His eyes never left hers as his right hand snaked into her pocket, pulling out the key. "Thank you for cooperating," he whispered against her lips. Then suddenly she was back over his shoulder, and he was unlocking the door. He stepped into her small apartment and closed the door behind him. Havoc walked to the couch and laid her gently on it._

 _"Alright, where's your kit-woah!" Rebecca slipped her fingers through his belt loops and pulled him down on top of her, smiling seductively. He caught himself on his palms, once again the hands on either side of her head. Now it was his turn to keep his composure._

 _"Becca..."_

 _She leaned up to kiss him, to finally press her lips firmly against his, but he turned his head away. She jerked back._

 _"What? Isn't this what you wanted?"_

 _He frowned. "I wanted to get you home safe. I didn't intend to sleep with you."_

 _Her face fell. A mixture of embarrassment, sadness, and anger fought for dominance over her features. Anger won. She shoved him off of her. "Well, I'm home. You can get out now!"_

 _He sat up. "Becca, stop."_

 _"Go away, Havoc!" She struggled to stand, but he grabbed her arm. "Would you listen to me!?" She wrenched her arm away and stepped backwards._

 _"Your little errand for Riza is over, you can go. Mission accomplished, I'm home! Now just leave." Rebecca took two steps before she wobbled, reaching out for the wall. He was up and at her side in half a second._

 _"You idiot, I told you already, Hawkeye didn't send me! I was worried about you."_

 _She scoffed and tried to push him away again. "Yeah, so worried."_

 _He turned her towards him. "Yes, worried! You have a tendency to overdo, especially when you're upset."_

 _Rebecca shook her head. "How would you even know that?"_

 _"I've noticed."_

 _"Oh, you've noticed? Havoc, the only times you've noticed me are when there's a possibility to argue or to try to one-up me on the range."_

 _"No, princess, that's when you've noticed me. I pay more attention than you think."_

 _She laughed. He took her by the shoulders and stared into her eyes._

 _"Every Tuesday you get a sandwich at the cafeteria. It's always an Italian. You refill your coffee during lunch too, two creams, two sugars. The idea of that mixture makes me want to gag but it suits you. You like the chocolate pie that they serve on Thursdays, you always get a slice, but it's the only time I ever see you get dessert, so I think it's the only one you like that they make. On Wednesdays you and Riza have lunch together, and she always comes back smiling and in a better mood. You always gesture with your right hand first. You like when it rains, because I'll catch you staring out the windows smiling when it pours. You have a man's jacket that you wear sometimes when it's especially cold out. It doesn't fit you at all but you always look happiest when you wear it. I always assumed it belonged to your dad or your brother. You're most at ease behind a rifle, but I love watching you use pistols when we train. I've only seen you with your hair down twice. I'd kill to know what you look like in a red dress. And I don't want to kiss you tonight, or have sex with you. Because the first time I do either of those things, I want it to mean something. I want you to be able to remember it. Because I have thought about it so. Fucking. Often."_

 _Rebecca stared at him. He held her gaze, a blush evident on his cheeks, but he stood his ground, refusing to look away. Finally she stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She gave a tiny smile when she pulled away._

 _"I have a red dress. And I promise to wear it for you. When you're ready for things to mean something."_

 _He smiled widely and nodded. She leaned against his chest. "My head's spinning."_

 _Havoc chuckled. "Yes, alcohol will do that."_

 _"I don't think it's entirely the alcohol."_

 _He rested his chin on the top of her head. "Come on, let's get you to bed."_

 _She nodded and let him lead her into her bedroom. She kicked her shoes off and laid on the bed , pulling her hair out of its ponytail as she did so. He pulled the covers over her, kissing the top of her head. He turned away._

 _"Wait!" Rebecca grabbed his wrist. He turned back._

 _"What's wrong?"_

 _She bit her lip. "Don't...don't go." She felt like a child, but there wasn't a muscle in her body that wanted him to walk out that door. Havoc smiled gently, then kicked his shoes off and nudged her. She scooted over and he crawled into the bed, pulling her close to him and kissing the back of her head._

 _"Princess says stay, I'll stay."_

 _She nodded, her eyes already closed. "Stay."_

 _Havoc kissed the back of her head again. "Yes, ma'am."_

 _They fell asleep like that, curled close, breathing each other in, strawberries and cigarette smoke and gun oil. When it was morning, Rebecca had woken alone, her head pounding. She'd turned to her nightstand to see a glass of water, two headache pills, and a note. She popped the pills and drank the water, then picked up the note._

 _'Becca,_

 _I didn't want you to wake up to find yourself in bed with me, just in case you didn't remember anything from last night. If you DO remember, and you don't hate me, and you want to see me again, then come have lunch with me at 12:30 at Benny's. If you don't remember, or you hate me, or you never want to see me again in your life, then have lunch somewhere else because that would be really awkward for me._

 _I'm ready for things to mean something._

 _Havoc_

 _PS. You smile in your sleep. It might be the cutest thing I've ever seen.'_

They'd begun dating that day, Rebecca remembered. She had immediately gotten up to take a shower and look presentable, fretting over her hair and make-up. She'd spied him the second she'd walked up, chomping a toothpick in lieu of a cigarette and looking nervous as hell in a black button down and tight jeans. He had broken into a huge grin when he saw her, and presented her with red roses. They'd had lunch. They had kissed. He got to see her red dress later that night. They were inseparable for three and a half weeks, until Mustang forced him to transfer. The memory of their goodbye was awful, and Rebecca pushed it out of her head. She kept running.

Finally, she slowed a block away from her complex, letting herself cool down. She let herself inside her apartment and headed straight for the sink, filling her water bottle. As she filled it a second time, her phone began to ring. Her brow furrowed. She took another sip, then walked to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey Becky."

Her mouth dropped and her eyes softened. She swallowed.

"Hey Jean."

"How...how are you?"

She leaned against the wall. "I'm...tired. I just got back from a run."

"How far did you go this time?"

"Pretty far." Rebecca heard him breathe in a couple of times on the other end, as though he was trying to say something. Finally, she spoke.

"Jean, why did you call?" She didn't want to beat around the bush. She heard him sigh.

"I miss you. I miss you so much that it hurts. I want...I need you back. Need. As in can't do this without you."

"Jean..."

"I know!" she could feel his frustration over the phone. "I'm the idiot who kicked you out in the first place. I'm completely useless, I can't even sleep without running the risk of hurting you because of that bitch homunculus..."

"That I remind you of." She pushed away the memory of his fingers grabbing her hair.

"No! No. That's not...I was panicking. She doesn't remind me of you when I'm actually looking at you. The same thing would have probably happened if you were blonde or something."

"But it happened. Jean, I want to come back but I am terrified of making things harder on you." She recalled Riza's words. "You're going through so much, and if my presence is only going to make your recovery worse..."

"It won't!" he interrupted. "Rebecca, you make everything easier. You make me happy. And I think that's what I was most afraid of. That I wasn't good enough for you anymore."

She clutched the phone. "Jean Havoc, that's not even a little bit true!"

He sighed. "It's just how I felt. But the other thing is...this is going to be really difficult. I mean...I'm paralyzed. Life is going to be really hard. I'm going to work my ass off to get my legs working again, but it's going to be hard, and it's going to be really shitty, and it might not even...that's a huge burden to put on you, Beck."

Her eyes widened. "Do...do you think I care? Jean, you're _alive_! I don't care what else we have to go through, I don't care what sort of 'burden' you think this is or think that you are! You're alive, that's what matters. We'll deal with the rest as it comes. I'm in this for all of it. For you. If..." she swallowed. "If you'll have me."

"Rebecca Catalina, all I want is to have you." He sighed. "Let's just go slow, okay? That way I can adjust to having you around, and I won't hurt you again."

She nodded. "I can handle that. I won't stay nights for awhile."

"That will probably help."

She smiled. "So...officially back together then?"

He chuckled. "Fine, I'll be MORE OBVIOUS. Please be my girlfriend, Becca."

"I mean, I guess so."

"Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome."

He laughed again, then his voice took on a low, seductive tone. "So, princess...what're you wearing?"

"Running shorts and a sweaty sports bra."

"You suck at this."

Rebecca burst out laughing. For better or worse, this idiot was hers again.

Finally.

* * *

 _Yay! They're back together. I really wanted to showcase that memory of them first getting together so that you could see how much Jean does truly care about her. I felt like a lot the stuff in the chapters leading up to this had shown how much Rebecca adored him, but not as much Jean. So yeah. He's crazy about her. Please favorite and review!_


	6. A Knight's Tale

_**Hello! I sincerely apologize for how long it took me to get this next chapter out. It's pretty light and fluffy, and the next chapter takes place later that night. But I really liked this section, and I thought it made a nice little stand alone chapter. Plus, these two deserved some happy. I own nothing! Shouts to ochibisniper, as always!**_

* * *

It had been over a week since Havoc had started his official physical therapy sessions, and the exercises were some of the worst things he had ever experienced. He wanted to use his legs again, of course he did, but fuck, this was so hard. He had always been a fit guy, even before the military. He'd always been strong and athletic, his body reliable. Now Havoc felt like he could barely do anything with it. His arms and upper body were still strong as ever, but the physical therapy he endured daily was focused on keeping the muscles in his legs from atrophying. He kept hoping that at some point during each exercise he'd suddenly feel something, there'd be _some_ sort of spark...but of course there never was. He was tired, he was frustrated, and his arms hurt like hell from the resistance bands.

Then his princess walked in, and the smile that lit up Havoc's face at her entrance could have been seen for miles upon miles. Since getting back together, she had gone back to spending as much time as she could with him, barring work and other responsibilities that took precedence. His family home was about a thirty minute drive for her, but his therapist's office was just a couple of blocks from East Headquarters. So on his therapy days, his mother dropped him off and Rebecca picked him up, taking him back home at their leisure. It was the best way to end therapy, when he was tired, and cranky, and upset, to get to see her. Her dark eyes made it better. Made him want to _be_ better, and therefore therapy became much easier.

She walked over to him and kissed his cheek as he pulled at the bands. "Hey you. How is it today?" she asked. He grinned, ignoring the pain in his arms.

"Super easy, of course."

Her lips raised the corner of her mouth into a sly smile. "Uh-huh. The panting and the beads of sweat on your brow are really selling that case for you."

"Damn it." He grunted and grimaced as he pulled the straps again, the pressure forcing his knees to bend. Rebecca put her hand on his shoulder while the therapist looked over him.

"You need to breathe. You keep holding your breath the whole time. Don't do that," the older man said, placing his hand on Havoc's diaphragm. "Inhale as you pull, then exhale as you release. The breathing gives you fuel, and will make it easier." He tried to do as the doctor said, steadying his breathing as he pulled and released. The man nodded in approval, and after Havoc went through three more reps, declared him done for the day.

"Same time tomorrow, then, Mr. Havoc." The doctor said. Rebecca looked up.

"Lieutenant," she corrected. "He's a 2nd Lieutenant."

Havoc scoffed, grabbing his button down from the table next to him and throwing it on over his undershirt. "Beck, I retired. Quit with the Lieutenant thing." She had developed a habit of correcting people any time they called him "mister" and it was beginning to stretch his nerves. She rolled her eyes, walking over to his wheelchair.

"You retired because you're an idiot. The second you get your legs back, you know Mustang's reinstating you." She grabbed the handlebars and pushed the chair over to him while the doctor excused himself, citing a need to attend to another patient. They both waved goodbye, and Havoc turned his attention back to her.

"I have to get my legs back first, princess. Not much of a proper knight without them," he said as he scooted himself to the edge of the table. Rebecca smiled, taking his arm.

"You will. I know you will. I know _you._ " She guided him into the chair. They were getting better at getting him in and out of it, though the act was still a bit of a struggle. It helped that she was fairly tall, though nowhere near his height, and that Havoc could still lift his own body weight. Together they got him situated, and he buttoned up his shirt while she opened the door. He wheeled himself out of the room, and they began the short trek to the elevator together. Havoc glanced up at her and gave a tiny smile.

"Thank you."

Rebecca looked at him, light confusion dancing on her face. "For what?" They reached the elevator and she punched the button for the ground floor.

"For being here. For believing in me. Your confidence gives me confidence." It was true. As hard as he worked, he was still constantly plagued by the self-doubt that maybe none of this would pay off, that he would truly be trapped in this chair forever. But if Rebecca had the same doubts, she never voiced them to him, never gave them any credence. She truly believed he'd walk again. She was quickly becoming his rock, and he relied on her.

She smiled. "That's why you're always going to be Lieutenant Havoc." The elevator dinged, and she continued. "I'm sorry if it drives you crazy, babe, but I don't want anyone to forget that part of you. Because it's still who you are. It's still your future."

He looked down, letting a soft smile creep onto his lips as he wheeled himself onto the elevator. He didn't respond, but he took hold of her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as the doors shut. Rebecca squeezed back, then frowned, a thoughtful expression crossing her face.

"Did you call yourself a knight earlier?"

He stared at her for a moment, confusion matching hers. "What? Did I never...? Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn't know."

Rebecca gently shook her head, her ponytail bobbing with the head movement. "No, what does it mean?" He opened his mouth to answer her, but the elevator stopped and the doors began to open.

"Ask me in the car, it's kind of a secret."

She knitted her forehead and let out a huff of laughter. "Alright, weirdo."

They got off the elevator together and made their way to the car. She had managed to park close, and when they got to her car they went through their usual song and dance of getting him out the chair and into the passenger seat. Once the chair had been safely stowed in the back, Rebecca got into the driver's seat and turned on the engine, pulling out of the doctor's office.

"Did you want to do anything before I took you home?"

Havoc shook his head. "No, I'm pretty tired. I want to just get there and make dinner. Will you stay for awhile?"

She nodded, glancing over at him. "I'll stay as long as you want me to. We'll play it by ear, like always."

He matched her nod, putting his hand on her knee. "Play it by ear." He squeezed her leg and Rebecca smiled. After a moment, she spoke.

"Oh! The knight thing. What does that mean?"

"Right, right. I forgot you asked." He cleared his throat, leaning back a little. "It's a code name. As you know, the Colonel is a bit of a chess nut. So he assigned his main team code names that followed chess pieces. Fuery is the pawn, Falman is the bishop, Breda is the rook, and I'm the knight."

Rebecca grinned. "Does that make Riza..."

Havoc shot her a smirk. "The queen."

She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "Those two idiots."

"Right? Worst kept secret in Amestris, hand to god." They laughed together, knowing it was true and not true all at the same time. Rebecca had gotten a little less harsh towards Mustang since their fight in his hospital room, and Havoc had shared some details of what he had seen of his two superior officer's time together. He had managed to convince her that Mustang did, in fact, have feelings for Hawkeye, based entirely on Havoc's own observations. Rebecca hadn't given up anything about Riza's feelings for him, but she hadn't outright refuted the idea, which was enough to convince Havoc that Hawkeye had divulged things to Rebecca that she wasn't at liberty to say. The friendship between his girlfriend and his friend/co-worker was a thing of great interest to him, since they were so different. But they were close as sisters, and he knew Rebecca would rather die than reveal anything Hawkeye had told her in confidence. So he didn't press. But he took great joy in watching her slightly adjust her opinions about Mustang due to the way he treated her when it was just the team. _Slightly._

Rebecca got them back on track. "So it's a code name. Why are you the knight?"

He shrugged. "Apparently it's because of my skills in the field. I've never been good at chess, so I don't truly get the metaphor. But Breda always said that it fit well."

"I would trust that," she responded, turning out of the city. They were now about halfway to his house, and were entering more of the countryside. Havoc looked out the window as trees began to show up with more frequency, dotting the landscape. He grinned.

"Want to know something embarrassing about me?"

He heard her giggle. "Of course I do."

Squeezing her leg, he replied, "Well, when I was a kid, I used to be really in love with old stories. Like, of knights and chivalry and medieval adventure. The Arthurian legends." He looked over at her and she was smiling widely.

"Really?"

Havoc nodded. "Really. I devoured those stories, including old fairy tales. I used to go into the woods behind my house and pretend I was a knight, fighting dragons and rescuing princesses locked in towers. It got worse when I learned horseback riding."

"That's adorable!"

He laughed. "Come on, say it's manly or hot or something. Not 'adorable'."

"Fine. The fact that you used to ride horses and pretend you were fighting dragons is super sexy."

Havoc groaned. "Well, when you say it like that..."

Rebecca laughed, glancing over at him. "No really! I always loved horses when I was a little girl, and fairy tales. I didn't read the Arthur myths, but fairy tales were a staple. It really is kind of hot to imagine you doing it now."

Looking down at his useless legs, he gave a small sigh. "Well, it'd be harder now. I think my knight days are up."

"I don't."

He looked at her, that confident smile once again firm on her lips. She continued. "You're still a knight. Even if you're not Mustang's knight, which you _are._ You're my knight, too."

Havoc stared at her, his own smile growing to match hers. "Your knight, huh? I like that."

"After all, aren't I your princess? Princesses are supposed to have a knight."

"I thought they were supposed to have princes."

She scoffed. "Princes are stuffy and boring. Knights are exciting and interesting. I'll take a knight."

"That's an excellent point."

She glanced at him again as she turned the car onto a bumpier road. "Is that where you got that nickname? You called me princess even before we were dating."

"It is," he confessed. "I, uh, always wanted a princess, you know? To protect and take care of. You...always fit the bill. I think calling you that was my way of confessing what I wanted without ever actually confessing it."

She smiled, taking his hand off her leg and lacing their fingers together. He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.

"Plus," he offered, "You always acted like a stuck up princess."

Rebecca laughed loudly, her mouth hanging open in mock offense. "You jerk!" He chuckled and leaned over, kissing her cheek.

"I still like you, princess."

She smirked, peering at his blue eyes. "I like you, too, my knight."

"I like being your knight better than being Mustang's."

"Well, I'm prettier than him."

"True."

They laughed and continued the drive, Havoc never letting go of her hand. If this was how therapy ended every day, he was pretty sure that he could take whatever this doctor planned to throw at him. He would walk again. He was a knight, after all, with a princess to take care of.

* * *

 _And a nickname is born! They are dorks but they're my dorks. Please favorite and review!_


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